Psalm 139:11-12

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. (PSALM 139:11-12)

Monday, December 17, 2012

Why I Wasn't Enough, Part 1

"It was so hard to believe that my husband's addiction to (sex or) porn had nothing to do with me." — Anonymous

So if your spouse's porn, adultery, or sexual addiction isn't about you, then why? Why wasn't I enough? Why did my husband look elsewhere?

There once was a sweet, innocent boy. He loved to play with He-Man and the General Lee. Like most boys he explored the woods, made stick swords, and searched for crayfish in the stream.

But one day, when he was six, he saw something. It hung on the grungy wall of a back office and it made him curious. It was the first time he had ever seen pornography. (When was the first time your spouse saw pornography?)

Already curious and intrigued by the new picture in his head, he spent much of his elementary years "chasing" girls. Oh, how his mother would giggle and prod when he took an interest in a little girl his age. "Is this your girlfriend?" she would tease. (How old was your spouse when he/she had his/her first "girl/boyfriend"?)

Along with the inappropriate pictures he now had in his head, when he was between the ages of six and ten he experienced child with child sexual abuse. Confused and overwhelmed, he never told anyone. (Was your spouse ever sexually abused as a child?)

By age thirteen, he started dating a girl several years older then him. She had already been sexually active and seduced him, experiencing sexual intercourse for the first time. (When was the first time your spouse started having sex?)

The foundation for my husband's sexual addiction was being built, brick by brick, from the time he was six years-old. By the time he reached college, he was walled in and it felt like there was no escape.

To be continued

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