Psalm 139:11-12

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. (PSALM 139:11-12)

Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Truth About a Post-Crisis Marriage

I have a "post-crisis" marriage.

I never heard it referred to in that way until I read this post by Sarah Markley called, "When a Post-Crisis Marriage is Full of Imperfections." Her confessions got me thinking about my own life and marriage post-crisis. She makes many excellent points.

I think there are things that happen in life that you work through and ultimately get over, for lack of a better word.

And then there are big, defining moment kind of events that become part of your process.

I'm living with the latter.

It's not that I'm stuck in the past. And I have forgiven. By all accounts we are living in a redeemed marriage. Hallelujah, Praise the Lord!

But, like Sarah Markley writes,
"I never want any bio or blog post or talk I give to ever make it sound like this post-crisis marriage is easy. In fact it's really, really hard."
I think it's not only important to clear up any impression that a redeemed marriage is somehow magically transformed and perfect, but it's also important to remind people that just because a few, maybe even a good many years has passed, there is still work being done.

This is true in all marriages, I think. And I believe with all my heart that there is hope for marriages damaged by sexual betrayals of all kinds. And there are some that no matter how much you want to keep it together, the healthiest thing is to split. There is no judgement from me in that.

Staying despite betrayal takes a lot of work. And the crisis that brought us to this place to begin with — were really symptoms of deeper issues. Issues that continue to surface every now and then and often require counsel.

Some days I'm weary from the struggle. And sometimes my own problems get in the way. This is the reality of any life, redeemed or otherwise. And I hope to convey that as much as possible on this blog.
"In fact, it's a struggle each day to love well and like wading through mud to suppress our own selfish inclinations." Sarah Markley, "When a Post-Crisis Marriage is Full of Imperfections"

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