Yes, Even Then

It's been seven years since the truth came out. To be honest, there have been moments (not surprisingly) when I've wanted to throw in the towel. So what kept me here that day and keeps me here now?

Faith.

Formost a faith in Jesus. In who He is. In what He has promised.

I believe faith and hope keep me right where I am. Faith to know that He has a plan and a purpose for all things, including me. Faith that God can do ANYTHING. Faith that He is working and moving in my life and the lives of those around me. Faith that whatever happens, He can use it to His glory. He can redeem it. He can use it.

Living out this faith day to day is not always easy. When bad things happen, when people hurt you, when you feel stuck; it's hard to not give up or run away. It's difficult to not get caught up in the here and now of what is happening and feel like there is no hope.

My faith is not assurance that I won't struggle or that everything is going to be easy. My faith gives me confidence in Him, not in me. Because I know that I cannot react without sinning. I feel angry, disappointed, impatient, even hopeless sometimes. Other people break their promises, other people hurt me, disappoint me. Situations can overwhelm me. Sometimes I think we have worked through something to have it resurface again and again. How could one not give up?

Faith.

I read a book by Joanna Weaver called "Lazarus Awakening". It talks about 3 specific kinds of faith she wants to have. The faith of "even if", "even though", and "nevertheless".
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Daniel 3:17-18 (emphasis added)

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it...But EVEN IF he does not, we want you to know, O King, that we will not serve your Gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Habakkuk 3:17-18 (emphasis added)

"EVEN THOUGH the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; EVEN THOUGH the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; EVEN THOUGH the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, YET I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!"

Matthew 26:39 (emphasis added)

"O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; NEVERTHELESS, not as I will, but as you will."

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"Even if" my prayers are not answered the way I want them to be, "even if" my husband cheats again, "even though" I was sexually abused as a child, "even though" I was betrayed, "nevertheless" I have faith in Your plan and Your promises, "nevertheless" Your will not mine, "nevertheless" You are still God and You know better then I.

Throughout these years of dealing with and healing from betrayal I have seen God's faithfulness in my life and in our marriage. I have gone to the pit and out again many times. While in the pit I have wondered if this is all worth it. I start to lose hope...and faith. And then I am reminded that God has not and will not leave me there. Hold tight to your faith, especially in the darkest of moments, because you know God has you. He has you! He will not let you go!